Emery Atwood
Emery Grace Lansing (née Atwood) is the main character and female protagonist of the Beauty of the Dark series. She is the best friend, love interest, and wife of Jesse Lansing. She is a former exotic dancer and waitress. She is a successful writer. Emery's parents were as in love as two people could ever be. This prompted Emery to desire a 'love that would last forever', much like the one that her parents had. When they died, however, Emery's portrait of love was tarnished with the realization that love didn't last forever, as it hadn't with her parents. Nonetheless, she still pursued love because she still wanted to be loved, even if it wasn't forever. When she was raped, Emery lost all hope for any kind of love because she didn't believe that anyone could ever love her now that she was, in her eyes, "damaged" as a result of the rape. She refused to allow herself to love anyone in order to avoid the anticipated pain of rejection she knew would come once they learned of her rape. After learning that she was pregnant as a result of the rape, she ran away from home because she couldn't tolerate the emotional pain having a child by rape in a town where only pain resided for her. Emery is a member of the Atwood Family and Spring Family by birth and the Lansing Family by marriage. Early Life Emery Grace Atwood was born in Amherst, Virginia on May 15, 1992 to Harrison and Vanessa Atwood. She is the older sister of Nathan. From the age of 2, her mother had enrolled her in gymnastics. When she was six, a new family had moved in town. At school, Emery then met Jesse Lansing, and the two became quick friends. At the end of eighth grade, Jesse developed feelings for popular queen bee Charlotte Watson, something that angered Emery greatly, seeing as Charlotte was well known for "sleeping, but not keeping" and was fearful that she would hurt Jesse. Then, in the beginning of her freshman year of high school, her mother begged her to join the cheerleading squad, and Emery did so reluctantly. However, soon after making the team with her two best friends Lorena and Jasmine, her mother and father had tragically died in a car accident. Despite this, Emery decided to remain on the team in honor of her mother. After the deaths of her parents, Emery began to show a more fragile, vulnerable side of herself. Things began to look up for her when she had gotten accepted into the college of her dreams, Hollins University, where she planned to study Creative Writing. Hollins also was the alma mater of her parents, and where they met. 2010 On April 17, the night of her senior prom, Emery was snatched while walking home alone and then taken into the back of her captor's car where he raped her for thirty minutes. She fought hard against her assaulter but when he pulled a knife on her, she abandoned her efforts in fear of being killed. She was in a state of shock as she attempted to disassociate herself mentally from the situation as she imagined that she was still at prom. Eventually. Emery regained the courage to escape. After the assault, Emery returned home and immediately fled to her room, not wanting to explain to Angie why she was home so early or why she was crying. After Angie realized something bad happened judging from Emery's appearance, Angie began to suspect that Emery had been raped. Still unable to speak, Emery slowly nodded before starting to cry. Angie rushed to comfort her, causing Emery to become hysterical as she let her pain out. Over the next few weeks following the assault, Emery withdrew herself from her family and friends and stopped going to school as she sank into a state of depression. She felt responsible for allowing the rape to happen due to her freezing and not fighting hard enough. Eventually, Emery learned that she was pregnant as a result of the rape, causing her to break down in a fit of crying. The doctor suggested she get an abortion, which Emery was abhorred at. Adoption was the next option, and Emery decided to think about it. When she realized that both actions could harm her baby, she stopped them immediately and felt ashamed of her actions. She then realized that living in the town where "everything went wrong" was too painful for her and decided that she had to leave in order to escape the pain. She then begged Angie to let her move in with her other aunt who lived upstate. Unfortunately, Angie denied this as it was too complicated and expensive to do so. Emery then realized that she had to leave home. Emery then met with her neighbor Mrs. Berry, who had leant her $3,000 in cash to flee town with. Emery then took the money and left town, unsure of where she was headed. Soon after leaving town, Emery pawned her phone and purchased a new one as well as a burner phone. Using the burner phone, she left a message to Angie telling her that she was safe, but she is not coming home and to not call the police, then dumped the phone. However, Angie did call the police despite Emery's request. However, they were unable to find her because Angie told the police that she most likely would head up to her paternal aunt's house, which was a dead end. Ending up in the heart of Richmond, Virginia, Emery slept in her car until her 18th birthday the following month as she couldn't legally rent an apartment yet, let alone make any large movements without getting discovered and returned home. During this time, she lived off of the vending machines outside of a Walgreens. Once she realized that she needed real food to support her baby, she began to sneak into the local food shelter each night. When she turned eighteen, Emery struggled to find a well-paying job that would allow her to both get a decent apartment and live off of while taking care of her pregnancy at the same time. One day, she came across an add for a local gentlemen's club called The Roaring Twenties. Knowing how much money she could make from working there, Emery applied for a job as a waitress and was immediately accepted. Eventually, she she sold her car for more money toward a house instead as she was gaining a lot of money from her job. Her boss, Noel Morrison, however, began to take a strange liking to her, which made Emery uncomfortable, but she put up with it due to the high-paying job. She found friends in her co-workers, but was reluctant to reveal any personal details to them. The only time she did so was when she had to tell them that she was pregnant as she couldn't hide it anymore; however she lied and said it was the result of a one-night stand rather than rape. With her first paycheck, Emery purchased a diamond bracelet from Tiffany & Co. which she used to cover up her self harm scars on her left wrist. About a week after being accepted for the job, Emery called her aunt, brother, Lorena and Jasmine to tell them that she was alive and safe and that she wasn't coming home. Lorena and Jasmine then begged to see her, to which Emery declined. However, within a couple of days, the two of them tracked Emery down and showed up at her doorstep as she was leaving for work. She was shocked to see them, and they were shocked to see what her life had become but were demanded to know why she left town and wouldn't leave until she told them. Emery finally confided in them about the reason behind her leaving town, breaking down in tears. Lorena and Jasmine decided to stay down in Richmond through Emery's pregnancy, much to her relief. As she progressed through her pregnancy, she became more guarded and detached in attempt to avoid the pain of knowing she couldn't keep her baby due to the mental, emotional and financial state she was in. She soon negotiated to adopt her son to her longtime friend who was unable to have children. During the week before Christmas, Noel threw a holiday party. During the evening, he was very attentive of Emery, claiming it to be because she was in the last month of her pregnancy. However, Emery knew he was trying to move in on her. At the party, Emery felt very ashamed and embarrassed about her situation, surely knowing that the people who stared at her for the majority of the evening asked about her marital status and would be judging her. Despite this, Lorena and Jasmine attempted to cheer her up, succeeding eventually. The week after Christmas, on December 28, 2010, Emery went into labor at 2:00 am. Lorena and Jasmine drove her to the hospital, and while in the waiting room, called Emery's aunt and brother. Once the two arrived, Emery reluctantly admitted Angie and Nathan into the delivery room. With the support of her aunt and brother, Emery gave birth to a boy at 9:25 pm. When she saw him for the first time, Emery burst into tears of happiness and joy. When Nathan asked what the baby's name was, Emery's happiness faded only to be replaced by despair, knowing that she couldn't provide a stable life for him herself and for realizing how hard it is to give him up. Giving her baby up for adoption pushed Emery over the edge; she shut down emotionally and sprung herself into her work in attempt to distract herself from the pain despite Noel's insisting that she stay home and recover. She also began to show more of a rebellious streak. She had been emotionally worn down from her parents' deaths, her rape, becoming pregnant from the rape and giving birth, let alone giving her son up for adoption to the point of wanting to prevent any more pain in her life. As a result, she rejected her feelings regarding her rape as they were too painful for her to handle. She soon realized that the only way to avoid pain is by not caring about anything anymore, in particular people, as she believed that caring lead to pain. Noel began to ask her to perform shows when one of the dancers, Tara, began a string of frequent absences. Eventually, Noel offered Emery a full-time job as a dancer to which she declined at first, only to accept eventually once she learned how much money the dancers made. 2014 Emery is living in a small suburban house just on the edge of Richmond in a town called Montrose. Lorena and Jasmine suggest they move in with her, to which Emery declines much to the surprise of Lorena and Jasmine. She is doing well financially as a result of her position at the club, where she gathers a wealthy amount of tips almost nightly as a result of her promiscuous behavior. She spends a fair portion of her earnings on clothes, cosmetics and accessories. She goes clubbing with her coworkers every weekend. She exercises regularly in order to keep in shape as well as relieve stress, the latter reason unaware to her. Every Saturday at three in the afternoon, her friend Caitlyn calls or emails her with updates on her now three and a half-year-old son, many of which she seldom reads or listens to. This is Emery's only reminder of her past other than her C-Section scar, so she tries to avoid it at all costs. Caitlyn offers repeatedly to bring her son over, but Emery declines. She gets frequent visits from Lorena and Jasmine, who are living in their own apartment more toward the city. Emery is often upset by these visits as she knows they are checking up on her to make sure she hasn't run away again. Emery attempts to convince them, as well as herself, that she is fine in regards to her rape and giving her son up for adoption. However, this is anything but true. She experiences anxiety attacks as well as nightmares as a result of her rape. However, these episodes are only in response to significant triggers that are a result of her rape. When she gets anxiety attacks, she belittles them and attempts to dismiss them as "fits". After such incidents, she dismisses her feelings of fear and resumes what she was doing as if she weren't affected at all. She is reluctantly on Trazedone and Zoloft for insomnia and PTSD. She takes her medication quickly so she isn’t forced to remember why she takes it. She also gets frequent tension headaches. In The Novels |-|The Beauty of the Dark= Emery and Jesse met again, and then they celebrate her birthday. Emery is seen..a mysterious woman named Carolyn Wright threatens Emery |-|Where There Is Light= Emery takes self-defense lessons with Alex, who teaches private lessons. Emery and Jesse are... Emery attended Richmond University and graduated. Personality |-|Before Rape= Prior to the assault, Emery was described as a sweet, friendly and smart young girl. She was somewhat shy and studious and clung onto a dream of becoming a writer. While she had many friends, she only had few she could confide in and trust. She didn't get into trouble and was academically successful. She had many admirers at school, many of whom were Jesse's friends and teammates. However, she didn't desire a relationship with any of them, knowing that they only wanted to sleep with her and were not interested in a real relationship. She was aware of Jesse's attractiveness, but didn't entertain the possibility of feelings for him out of fear of ruining their friendship. Even though she couldn't stand how she treated Jesse, Emery tolerated Charlotte for his sake. She always put the needs of others before herself. She was not comfortable with showing off her body, and she would wear t-shirts and pants to the beach or to bed. She was a slightly fragile girl as she had lost her parents to a car accident, but bounced back from the tragedy. |-|After Rape= In the days after the rape, Emery fell into a state of shock and depression as she struggled to comprehend what had happened to her. She felt as if she had allowed the rape to happen as she hadn't fought against her rapist once she knew he had a weapon. She refused to talk to anyone or eat regularly and had withdrawn from her family and friends. She stayed in bed all day and refused to leave her room. She had recurring thoughts about the rape and experienced nightmares every night which would cause her to wake up screaming many times. She refused to be touched by anyone. She lost faith in happiness and her chance at love, believing she was now "damaged goods" as a result of her rape and assumed no one could nor would want her anymore because of this. Immediately after learning of her pregnancy, Emery broke down in despair and had sought to release some of the pain by cutting herself and self-medicating. Once she realized these actions could harm her baby, she stopped them. She then felt ashamed for what she had done. During her first few months in Richmond, Emery kept to herself because she was in constant fear of being hurt again. She refused to reveal any personal information to her co-workers, which often prompted suspicion and questions. After giving away her son to her friend, Emery resumed work immediately in attempt to escape the emotional pain of giving up her child for adoption. |-|Throughout The Series= She is controlled by her fear of getting hurt again, which is caused by all of the trauma and pain she’s experienced in her life. As a result, she goes to extreme lengths to avoid situations that could result in pain such as new relationships, romance or situations that make her feel unsafe or vulnerable. This includes refusing to think about or discuss her rape. Deep down she wants to care, and does, but instead refuses these feelings for fear of getting hurt. She uses defense mechanisms such as wit and apathy in attempt to push others away, not wanting to give them a chance to hurt her. She thinks she is no longer desirable and thus unlovable as a result of being raped, let alone her belief that she is responsible for the rape, so she refuses romance in attempt to avoid what she thinks will be the pain of rejection. Deep down, she is lonely and craves affection and love, but refuses to let anyone in in fear of being hurt. She refuses to disclose her rape to others in fear that they would reject her. She fakes her confidence in attempt to cope with her self-esteem issues. She also dresses provocatively and spends money on her appearance in attempt to build her self-esteem. She can't take a compliment well and often laughs it off with a self-attack, hinting to her insecurities. She has lost sight of who she truly is as a person due to her building a life of lies in attempt to escape the pain of her past as well as to convince everyone, including herself, that she is “fine” and has moved on from the rape. She feels that if she convinces herself, and others, that she is emotionally “fine” in regards to her rape, then she will eventually become such. She has a good poker face due to her lying to people about herself over the years. She refuses to feel sorry for herself because doing so reminds her of all the pain in her life. She hates when others feel sorry for her because it makes her feel inferior to them. She refuses to be seen as a victim, either to herself or others, due to the feeling that being a victim triggers feelings of helplessness, which reminds her of her rape. She craves being in a group of people because being alone triggers feelings of anxiety due to her rape. The only place she allows herself to be alone is her house, despite still having feelings of anxiety whilst home alone. She has a need for control due to her lack of control during her rape. She feels that nothing bad will happen if she can control it and uses her control to stay safe and avoid pain. She suppresses her anxiety and fear that resulted from her rape in attempt to cope. She has difficulty trusting strangers or people she hardly knows. Her decision to work at a strip club is only due to the money and the lack of choices she has for jobs due to her not graduating high school. Deep down she is ashamed of her job and believes she deserves nothing better, but justifies it with the financial reward. She does like working at a strip club because it gives her a sense of sexual control. Despite her anxiety and her fear of being touched, she gives customers lap dances and allows them to touch her as she knows she will get more money that way. She also flirts with them and can be quite promiscuous toward them, which is only another effort to garner more money. However, she draws the line at sex because due to her rape, she is afraid of being taken advantage of again “in that way”. Customers get angry at her over this as they view her as a “tease” due to her behavior at work. She claims she would have been a prostitute given they are paid in "thousands by the night", but her fear of sex prevented this. She feels responsible for her rape as she had stopped all efforts of resistance after her rapist pulled a knife on her. She feels that as a result she doesn't deserve happiness and has refused the idea of romance because of this. She is also hesitant to disclose her rape to others in fear of them blaming her for the rape. She feels ashamed over being raped and as a result has garnered a negative image of herself, only to project this opinion of herself onto others in attempt to justify her lack of self-love. She is ashamed of her self-harmful attempts to cope, which involved self-medicating and cutting. She hides her self-harm scars on her wrist with a bracelet so she doesn’t have to relive the shame. In attempt to escape the pain and shame of her life, Emery resorts to partying every weekend with her co-workers. For the moment, relief fills her, only to be replaced with the shame of partying once the thrill wore off. Unwilling and unable to cope with such feelings, she would then continue to party in attempt to escape the new and already existing shame, thus repeating the cycle over and over. She chooses to live in the moment. Physical Appearance Relationships Appearances Name First *'Emery' is a feminine name of German origin derived from the surname Emmerich, which in turn was taken from the German amal, meaning "bravery" and ric, meaning "rule, power". The meaning of Emery is "brave ruler; brave power". Middle *'Grace' is a feminine name of Latin origin that means "happiness". Last *'Atwood' is a surname... Trivia *Other options for her name included Emma, Emily and Alyssa. *Emery’s belief that she is “damaged goods” is a reflection of how society views victims of rape with the automatic judgement of them being tainted. *Her belief that she was responsible for the rape is a metaphor for how society often blames victims of rape. *Despite her goal of living life to the fullest, Emery finds genuine happiness and joy with Jesse as he shows her how to truly enjoy life again without having to drink or party. *Her fears include the fear of darkness, the fear of being alone, the fear of sex, the fear of being touched, the fear of duct tape, the fear of restraint, the fear of cigarette smell and the fear of whiskey scent. These fears are a result of her rape. *Her favorite stores are Bebe and Forever 21. *If she hadn't gotten pregnant, she would've dealt with her rape sooner, but due to the emotional severity of having a baby, let alone by rape, she was not focused on her rape but the pregnancy. *She owns a diamond tennis bracelet from Tiffany & Co which was used to cover up her self-harm scar. This bracelet was removed as seen in the epilogue. *Her favorite color is purple. *She owns a pair of heels from Louboutin, Jimmy Choo, Prada and Michael Kors. *She owns a navy blue trench coat from Burberry that she wears to and from work. *She carries her work uniform and necessities in a purple Louis Vuitton that was given to her by Lorena. Tropes *She is a reluctant Damsel In Distress. *She believes that she is Defiled Forever. *She suffered a A Fate Worse Than Death. *She has Rape As Backstory. *She was unknowingly part of a plan of Post Rape Taunt. *She is seen as a Sugar And Ice Girl. *She comes from a Dark And Troubled Past. *She is a Broken Bird. *She is in an Epiphanic Prison. *She is a Reluctant Fanservice Girl. *She is a Stripper With A Heart of Gold. *She is introduced with a "Break the Cutie" persona. *After her assault, she Stopped Caring about most things. *Her son is her Achille's Heel. *She believes that in order to move forward, Don't Look Back. *She is a victim of Revenge By Proxy. *She suffers a Bewildering Punishment. *She goes through the Five Stages Of Grief after losing her parents as well as after her assault. *Before her assault, she was known as the Girl Next Door. *She is Not With Him For The Money. *She is considered to be The Tragic Rose of the story. *She struggles with a Loss Of Identity. 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